Does anybody know how to get a hold of Ron Gilbert? You see, I have this idiot proof plan to steal back the
rights to Monkey Island™ and I have
a feeling that he’d be interested. It is mighty sad to think about how it might
be for Ron, Monkey Island™ was his
creation. However it was owned by LucasArts. And when Disney bought StarWars
they got it all in bulk. Monkey Island™
included. They (Disney) has already announced that they will basically be
throwing projects like Monkey Island™
and even StarWars Battlefront in the garbage… and instead focusing on blah blah
blah….. WHO CARES!! They are throwing out Monkey
Island™!!!
So how can we stick it to the man? By going to the top, here
is my plan to take Monkey Island™ back
from the evil clutches of Disney.
I will start by purchasing a kick-butt
purple lightsaber.
I will then break into the office of Walt
Disney Junior Junior Junior’s….. Or whoever owns the place now’s…. office with
my handy dandy sonic screwdriver.
I will quietly wait inside of his wardrobe
for him to come in. (Don’t ask me why he has a wardrobe, I didn’t design the
place.)
Once he comes in and sits down I will then
burst out of the wardrobe.
When he demands to know who I am, and why I
was eating Koko Kringle chocolate in his wardrobe, I will respond with either:
a.
“Hannah Moore, mighty pirate!” or,
b.
“I’m selling these fine leather jackets…”
In either case I will immediately
follow up by challenging him to an Insult
Lightsaber Duel, by proclaiming “You run Disney like a Dairy Farmer!!”… whoever
wins the duel will take home the rights to Monkey
Island™.
You see? He will have NO CHOICE but to follow through with
my demands! And of course he will have no clue how to properly insult fight! If
he knew how to, it would be a clear indicator of his having played at least ONE
of the Monkey Island™ games. And if
he had ever played any of the games, he would understand that one does not simply
end the franchise. No more games, no movie, no graphic novel!! I mean think about the children!! They will have no
sense of humor, and instead only play games involving no logic, whit, or
creative pirate thinking at all…. Games like… like Epic Mickey for crying out loud!!! Is that what we want to happen
to the next generation??
Help me help you, and the next generation of humorless kids, by donating money to the "Save Monkey Island™" fun... that has not yet been created.
And, I'm still having trouble getting a hold of Ron Gilbert.
Fin.
